Sketch Therapy
the Backstory
I am sharing my Mom's Dementia story in hopes that is may inspire others and bring some peace and understanding of the challenges for those that have family going through this long goodbye journey. I learned to just roll with it and stay calm. It truly is the long goodbye, but I did managed to find a lot of good humor and love along the way. We lost an artist, an old time country and gospel singer and an amazing cook.
Her story is the inspiration for starting Sketch Therapy. It has been proven that doing painting and crafts stimulates all kinds of brain activity, including memory. It's important to maintaining your quality of life and has also been proven to extend life expectancy.
Mom's Dementia Story
Alzheimer’s and Dementia are Cruel
Parts of this might be difficult for some to read. I am not sure when we really started to see the signs, but the symptoms really started to manifest when Mom had a slight stroke in 2014. Mom's journey ended peacefully on October 30th, 2024. So over the last 10-12 years she slowly deteriorated and it was challenging for the family. It was hard when she would confuse me for her sister for example, but we just rolled with it. We all pulled together as best we could. I am not going to lie that there were some ugly and scary moments.
Challenging Times
Over the years certain things had to be done. Sundown Psychosis is real! She definitely would hallucinate, which was very hard to deal with. Her husband, being the primary care taker (and bless him), had to shut off the power to the stove to keep her from burning the house down. He had to keep the car keys hidden and more or less childproof the house. Frequent falls seemed to become part of life. During this period of time, I took several late night calls from the local county sheriff department, and spent many hours on the phone trying to convince her that her husband was a friend. One time when she came to visit me at my cabin, she became really scared and confused. She didn't know where she was or how she got there. I spent the whole night not sleeping as I was worried she'd try to escape. There were moments of lucidity when she knew something was wrong and asked why am I this way? I could see the anxiety in her eyes. And then she would get mad and claim God had forgotten her. I held her hand and did what I could to comfort her. It was at that point I made the point that she needs to stay at home and familiar surroundings were very important.
The Good Memories
Mom loved to go for car rides. We'd hop in the SUV and just drive. She would tell stories about all the farms we drove by. She was always worried about where the kids were at, and she kept talking about still being on the farm she grew up on. She would ask me over and over where her parents were. There were definitely laughable head scratching moments. I could be a stranger, the housekeeper, a friend, a sister and a daughter all in the span of a conversation. At times she’d smile like a child full of wonder like it’s the first time she has seen something delightful. She would talked about her childhood and told me family stories I’ve never heard. For a long time, she could still sing, dance, draw with crayons, play with puzzles, bake cookies and do easy cooking tasks. She loved anything sweet! She would laugh out loud, always had a huge smile and there are many funny moments.
Pandemic Panic
She really got bad during the 2020 pandemic. Timing could not have been worse, and the family was concerned for her health and safety as well as her husband. It really hit the hard when she came to visit me for a few days. I picked her up and it became very apparent that she was in trouble. She was confused, talking non-sense, hallucinating and I basically didn't get any sleep for 48 hours as I was afraid she might try and escape. On a bit of a humorous note, she emptied my underwear and sock drawers and tried to pay me for them. She also thought that she was in a hotel and I was the housekeeper.
Time to make the Call!
In early 2021, I finally had the conversation that needed to be had, as she needed help. It was hard to make the call and get her in full time care in a time when it was challenging to find local help or services in rural Minnesota. Her husband also finally admitted he felt trapped as a caretaker. We finally made the decision to get her into memory care.
Grand Theft Auto
This is where the story goes really sideways. The weekend before we were to get her into memory care, she managed to get a hold of the truck keys and took off. She disappeared for about 10 hours, in March on a cold and windy day. The family went into full on panic mode. I called it Grand Theft Auto! She somehow grabbed 3 pounds of hamburger off the counter, put it under the back seat. Not sure if she intended to make a hotdish somewhere. In a moment of lapse, she got a hold of the keys and told her husband she was 'heading home'. I happened to be on my way to the house to grab clothing and supplies for her move to Memory Care, when I got the call. It was literally the WORST day of my life.
We did all we could to find her. Contacted the local county sheriff to get a missing persons report out there, but it has limited reach as they could only report this in a few local counties - Lincoln, Lyon and Redwood where all contacted. I pushed to Facebook and had friends share it far and wide and to my amazement it reached 3000 people, including someone in Norway. I had a friend from the Twin Cities that actually drove out towards a few of the towns we thought she might head for. Another friend also shared the info as he was from the area of Reading, MN where she grew up. When I first found out she had taken the truck, I went on a 90 mile an hour goose chase thinking I might catch her heading towards the childhood home town. Family and friends went into action, drove to the all the areas she may have been and shared it as far and as wide as we could. Sadly, Minnesota doesn't have a Silver Alert System, which may or may not have helped.
In the end, thankfully she was found within 10 miles of the house in South Dakota. She had drove down a minimum maintenance road and got the truck stuck. She somehow got out of the truck and walked 2 miles to a farm house. Her guardian angels were with her. On that day, the owner had headed to Sioux Falls to go shopping but left the house unlocked. The wonderful lady found my mom sitting at the kitchen table hanging out with the dogs and cats. Imagine finding a strange women in your kitchen?!? This lady happened to have gone to school with Mom's husband. When we got the call I about fell off my chair. A whole day of crying, praying, panicking and PRAYING was over. When we brought Mom home, with all the family there, she thought it was just her Birthday.
Spin Dry
The day came when we moved her into Memory Care and it was another tough day, but we finally got her into someplace safe. She did not acclimate well, so we got her into geriatric "spin dry" where they took her off all her meds, and determined she had Vascular Dementia. They got her on a drug regiment that made sense for the disease, plus help with anxiety and depression that comes with the disease. The changes and quality of life drastically changed once we got her on the right regiment. She acclimated to her new "home", and participating in all the wonderful activities, including the art classes I taught. I also am sure she knew who I was in most moments up until the end.
Nine Lives
Mom was now safe, but as expected, she slowly declined. She had a few strokes during the 3 years she was in memory care, several falls as well, but I always said she had nine lives as she would always bounce back. Meanwhile, I began teaching arts and crafts at her Assisted Living and Memory Care facility, and found it totally therapeutic and helped me navigate this journey along with my Mom. Having mom participate was one of the times I was sure she knew who I was and she was totally engaged. I see this in many of the folks that participate in one of my classes. I know I am on the right path, and I plan to carry on the work to teach and help using art where I can!
Fabulous Care
A big THANK YOU to Heritage Point Senior Living in Marshall Minnesota. The care they provide is nothing short of amazing! I want to give a BIG SHOUT OUT to all those out there who are caregivers for their parents and loved ones, caregivers in assisted living and memory care, and the nurses and in-home healthcare workers! It takes a lot of strength and commitment to keep them safe and comfortable.
A note on Silver Alerts. Minnesota proposed bill SF1454- Silver Alert system to aid in locating missing persons who are senior citizens with cognitive impairments establishment. This is similar to the Amber Alerts, but it provides alerts when someone with memory issues or is a vulnerable senior goes missing. The State of Minnesota has had bills proposed and sitting since 2015. South Dakota has a Silver Alert network. As the population continues to age, it would be good if we in Minnesota could get this bill pushed through.
A note on local sheriff departments. Although I appreciate all the help the Lincoln County Sheriff provided, it's unfortunate that in rural counties, mental health crisis situations have to be handled by officers that may or may not have the training and background. Quite often they have to handle these situations with those with Alzheimer's and Dementia.
